Not Saussure

September 17, 2006

At least she’s not Nigerian

Filed under: scams — notsaussure @ 12:36 pm

Just received yet another urgent solicitation from one of those generous souls who, as a result of difficulties in their own countries, find themselves in need of assistance moving large amounts of money abroad and willing to pay fortunes beyond the dreams of avarice for assistance.

Normally, I don’t get to see such things because I’ve set a spam filter to catch all references to Nigeria, but this poor lady comes from a different part of the world:

Dear Sir/ Madam,

I am Fatima maryam Rasheed, I am a businesswoman in Lebanon and Iraq is where I am from to be precise, due to the problem with my country I have lost almost all the things that I have spent all my time to build. My husband Mr. Khalid Rasheed was involved in a bomb blast as Israel seems to be firing missiles into my country.

Seems to be?

I am the only wife of my husband and we had no child together, his business was crippled too in this resent bombardment so there is nothing left for me to survive on, our house and other properties were destroyed the Israeli are taking advantages of the civilians in Lebanon.

But, as you may have guessed, every cloud has a silver lining

I went back to my wrecked house to check for some little valuables like diamonds and gold in my jewel box but non was recovered, I came across my husband diary and I found out that there is a huge sum of money (Jordanian Security company) and also in a United Arab Emirates Security Company in Dubai, $26.5 million USD in where he kept all the best sum of money that would give me a new life as soon as Beirut and Israel settle their conflicts.

Cold day in hell, then. But, wouldn’t you know it, there’s a problem

I am a newly wedded wife and we performed a traditional wedding which most court in the Arab world recognizes but there is no document signed in court that is where I have a problem in claiming my husband money from the Dubai security company as they are requesting for the prove and certified papers that will make me entitled to his will.

Anyway, she’s now staying with friends in Damascus, where, it seems, she’s finding it rather dull; she’s consulted a lawyer who’s apparently advised her to offer perfect strangers 35% of the loot in return for their assistance in this matter. She rather touchingly concludes,

Please do let me know your concern as life is Damascus is not too interesting but it’s the place I can still stay for now until I get my 45% from you.

I don’t think I’ll bother to reply, but, were I so to do, I would be greatly assisted by the Business Reply Generator I found some time ago, along with its companion piece for less imaginative scammers than Mrs Rasheed, the Business Proposal Generator.

Apparently, Dr Johnson may well have coined this phrase when, helping his friend Mrs Thrale sell off her late husband’s brewery, announced ‘We are not here to sell a parcel of boilers and vats, but the potentiality of growing rich beyond the dreams of avarice‘, though he may equally well have pinched it from his contemporary, the playwright Edward Moore, who uses it in The Gamester. Aren’t you glad I told you that?

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